I read an article in the BaltSun the other day about a new business coming to the Inner Harbor this summer: Hi Speed cruises.

According to the article, the boats will be slow when in the IH, but will get up to 42 knots when on open water. How fast is 42 knots, you ask? Well, let me ask Google….Okay, according to the goog, 42 knots is 48.33 miles per hour. Huh… the way that they’re pimping out this ‘high speed’ attraction, I was thinking that 42 knots was equivalent to..I don’t know–something really fast–like 80 mph or a Lamborghini, or a cheetah. Either one.

The premise is that patrons will get a historic blurb tour about the neighborhoods along the waterway (excluding Ridgely’s because we’re landlocked), and then go really fast–because who gives a f*** about the history of Baltimore when there is a NEED for OBNOXIOUS TOURISTS to get a THRILL at 48.33 MPH?!? I can’t WAIT for summer in B’more.  Bring it, B1tches!

The kicker is that this little tour will cost $25 per person ($15/child), per ride. And I bet they don’t even offer a season pass!I think I’ll be rockin’ the water taxi–at least I can get a frequent floater pass! And you still get to see historic neighborhoods–like Fells Point!  (hey Michael Phelps! How’s it going? Want to invite me and the Brain over for a cookout on your huge balcony? We’d love to come! And you don’t mind if I put on your gold medals just ’cause? Oh Michael Phelps, you rock! No, you do!)

Weird. I haven’t heard the Verve Pipe “Freshman” song in YEARS. And right now, it’s on the radio station. In fact, I don’t know what station I’m rocking right now in Baltimore, but it’s pretty much relived my high school/college experience through the music. It’s like a 90′s/2000′s alternative station that only plays things that I used to love when I was younger than I am now.

Remember the summer that it seemed that every single radio station in the country was playing either The Verve “Bittersweet Symphony” or the Verve Pipe “Freshman”? And how much confusion over their names there was? One, the Verve, from England. The other, The Verve Pipe, a garage band from Michigan? And they both came up with the same idea to use the word, ‘verve’ in their band title?

Verve: (noun) 1. with enthusiasm or vigor, as in literary or artistic work, 2. vivacious or lively (thank you Dictionary.com)

I call shenanigans.  Totally. Neither band plays ANYTHING with vigor or enthusiasm. VP (verve pipe for short) is singing a song about suicide.  TV (the verve for short) is singing about making money and death. What gives?

They should have named themselves “The Depressed” and “The more Depressed”.

Oh wait–Joan Jett. This song rocks…..because I LOVE ROCK and ROLL! But really? Do any of you actually remember when a song in the jukebox only cost 10cents? I remember having to beg my parents for a quarter to play a song at the Pizza Hut (and then deciding if that quarter was better spent on hearing ONE song, or playing a game of Pacman in that really cool module with the game in the tabletop).

As I was reading the Ridgely’s Record on-line yesterday, I came across these briefs  in the April 2010 issue (soon to be shoved in your mailbox, whenever someone gets around to it).  I hope you enjoy rolling your eyes while reading them as much as I did!

Thank You (reprinted exactly as posted, sans commas and all)

• To Walt from Dover St. for constantly keeping the 700 block of Dover free of trash and weeds.
• To Ben from Melvin St. who thought he may need to miss a community clean-up so he spent one weekday morning removing trash and debris from Penn St. in front of the tot lot.
• To Dave from Washington St. who took a trash can and shovel to Conway Park and picked up the excess dog poo left over after the winter storms.

Really? You toot your own horn to the little neighborhood newsletter because you did something good for your community? Are you so eager to gain praise that you brag about your good deeds to garner praise? That’s like going to the gates of Heaven, and slipping the gate attendant angel a 5-spot for faster service.

Practicing random acts of kindness IS a good philosophy to have–however, the joy in giving to others is not in the praise, but in the knowledge that it was done selflessly.  Begging for recognition and praise thereby NEGATES your good deed, and turns it into a selfish act.

You know, Walt, I appreciate your efforts on Dover Street, but why can’t you expand your maintenance to the 600 Block? Those guys need some serious help getting their street cleaned up. Maybe you can put together a crew and do that, m’kay? Especially considering that there are 20x the number of people who live in the 600 block as opposed to the 700 block, AND that’s where the on-street parking is.

And Ben, you rock for taking the initiative to clean up trash and debris from in front of the tot lot. Lord knows that all the big garbage that the regular garbage truck won’t pick up gets dumped there (mattresses, air conditioners, etc).  My question is–did you call 311 to schedule a bulk-trash pick up? Let me know how that worked out for you.

And lastly, to Dave from Washington Blvd who lowered himself to pick up dog poo from the park.  Hello? The only people I ever see using the beloved park on Conway are PEOPLE WALKING DOGS. And since we have notoriously lazy dog owners who can own an animal but not spend the time to pick up it’s poo, well, what did you expect to find when the snow melted? Tulips? If all the abandoned dog poo in Ridgely’s were flowers, we could…well, we could do something that requires a CRAP load of flowers.

Oh yeah,  just in case you haven’t read it yet, the community meeting is at Frank and Nic’s on April 7. Have fun at the monthly social gathering.

One of the best parts of living in Ridgely’s Delight is that the neighborhood is a short walk from all of the attractions of the famed Inner Harbor.  A tourist paradise teeming with chain restaurants and stores, it also houses the National Aquarium, the Maryland Science Center, and ESPN zone. W00t!

Part of the summer-time appeal for tourists are the street performers who are hired to perform at the IH (short for Inner Harbor) for the summer. They perform magic, dance, tell jokes–all matter of things to entertain the summer rush.

Yesterday, potential talent was auditioned. Among the acts was an ‘aerialist’, a hoard of dancers, and other assorted talent. Last summer, I enjoyed a performance by a comedian who was on a unicycle for his entire performance. Or maybe it was two summers ago. Usually, I like to avoid tourist traps, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.

Summer in Baltimore is already starting to come together. Warning–Orioles opening day in two weeks.

Just read the B’more Guide (serving the residents of Federal Hill, South Baltimore, Locust Point, and more!), and there’s no police blotter this week.

How am I supossed to find out how many idiots had their GPS units stolen, or on which corner someone hit someone else with a brick and then ran away, or how many 14 y/o’s were robbed at bus stops of their pay-as-you-go cell phones and bus passes??

The police blotter rocks–as long as crime stays far away from Ridgely’s and from me–like across MLK in Pigtown.

A trashy neighborhood. Literally. Trash blowing everwhere.

Hey Neighbors,

Just a friendly reminder-when the wind is whipping through the neighborhood at 50+ miles per hour, it might not be such a good idea to put out your recycling.  As evidenced by the containers that littered the street last night, the blowing cereal boxes, the empty beer bottles–if it’s empty, it is lightweight and subject to being blown about.

I <3 you all for taking the initiative to recycle. I really do.  But when I have to get out of my car to clear a path down the street so that I can drive through and not run over your assorted bins and bottles and suffer flat tires and other assorted car maladies,  I have to wonder what you’re thinking. 

Yes, normally, on a calm night, it’s perfectly okay to put your recycling out for the early morning pickup. Just be smart and consider the weather conditions.  The recycling guys won’t chase down your Cheerios box, or spend time picking up the 47 assorted beer bottles from the street–they don’t live here–they don’t care if Ridgely’s looks like the city dump.

As a resident, you should. It’s your responsiblity to make this little part of the city that we call home a better place to live–for everyone.   Is it really too much to ask that we all just try to get along?

Just heard from the Brain that MLK will be pretty much closed all day Saturday due to traffic light repairs and some other nonsense.

Also, the SB 95 ramp to 295 will also be closed on Saturday and Sunday from 6am to 2pm. I don’t know why, I  just tell you what I know–or what other people tell me.

That’s all I have right now.

Peeps are the worlds greatest invention. No joke.  They are the BEST candy ever. I am a diehard fan–I will eat them anytime, anywhere. And yes–I do prefer them stale and crusty. How nice of you to ask!

Now Ritas has rolled out, just in time for Easter, a PEEPS FLAVORED ICE. What’s that? How could something so outrageously awesome (Peeps) be made into something even more awesome*? That’s right–by making it into an Ice and adding custard. Hells to the yeah!

Peeps have really stepped up their game in 2010.  A new flagship store**, a product that tastes like them but isn’t actually them…what’s next? A Peep for President? You heard it here first***!

It seems that alot of businesses around the downtown area take it on themselves to broadcast music to the general public. Case in point for the RD neighborhood: Pickles Pub/Sliders on Camden Steet and the Hilton/Convention Center on Pratt.

The Hilton/Convention Center always plays some generic pansy-ass music.  I suppose since it blares from their planters, they don’t want to kill the actual plants with the infusion of crap. Or maybe it’s crappy music to keep the skateboarding and bike riding hipsters, meth addicts, homeless, and other unsavory characters from hanging out there. If so, then kudos–because noone could listen to that and stay sane. It’s torture. Remember in the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy (book, not movie) when Ford and Arthur are on the Vogon ship, and the poetry reading was going on? Yeah–it’s THAT bad.

At Pickles Pub/Sliders, I can’t decipher which business is responsible for the blaring music, but it’s a hit or miss.  Okay, mostly misses.  Oh, about every 5th song or so, you’ll get something really awesome–but otherwise, its like someones Ipod threw up–and not like a little glurg in the back of your throat from drinking too much water.  I’m talking the kind of vomit you get after a night of partying followed by a 2am Taco Bell and gas station food run–ripe with chunks of orange cheetos, cheap tacos,  and that Mountain Dew Code Red, which seemed like such an awesome idea at the time.

Really? Can’t you pick one genre of music and make it your signature? But you skip around so much from 80′s to current to 70′s and back again, it makes me want to poop my pants.  I mean, if it was GOOD music from those years (okay, the 70′s, 80′s, an some of the 90′s stuff is still awesome) but the wimp rock that is predominately taking center stage turns me against it. I wasn’t kidding about the poop part.  I was walking by Pickles/Sliders a few days ago, and the music was so horrible, it loosened my bowels.

This stuff is so good, it should be illegal. ’nuff said.