Pants on Fire!

Dear Orioles Organization,

As a resident of this lovely city we call Baltimore, I feel that I can be quite frank with you regarding your team.  I know you expect me to be like everyone else in the city and say that they suck, that Trembly should be fired, that this is the worst start of a season since 1989.  I won’t do that to you.

Instead, I want to offer some constructive criticism that may help you get through the rest of what is sure to be (another) disappointing O’s season.

1. Make running mandatory.  The first thing that every kid learns when they play Little League is this–ALWAYS run your ass off to first base. It doesn’t matter if the throw gets there when your only halfway down the baseline–you keep running until you hit the bag. I’ve noticed that so many of the O’s don’t run.  It seems like they barely jog most of the time–and then they give up. For the millions of dollars that these guys are making (I’m looking at you Markakis, Roberts, Jones, et al), they should be running like their asses are on FIRE.

2.  I understand that Trembley is just a man in charge of lots of overpaid men.  He can’t make them hit the ball, run fast, or catch things that they are being paid to do. However, he should be able to pull the non-performers and put in ones that ARE willing to work hard. Do I think that he’s the reason that the team isn’t performing as well as they could? Partially. Do I think he could do a better job? Yes. There is always room for improvement.

3. Hire Cal Ripkin already! Even if you put Cal into a figurehead position, you would boost the morale of the entire city.  He is Baltimore’s golden boy. I guarantee that attendance would go up (especially if he was in the dugout every game), and even more so with Cal centered give aways. Bobble heads are always popular. Enough of this he said/he said crap. Peter Angelos says that he never talked to Cal about joining the O’s organization. Cal says he did. Get your stories straight, and then get down to FIXING this ball club!

4.  Utilize your farm teams.  You have some awesome talent out in the farm system.  And based on the rate of injury that the O’s have experienced so far this season (what? 15 games in, if that?)  you’ve had way too many people out for injuries.  I have a suggestion, and take it for what it is, but it just may work:  Why don’t you switch out the entire O’s organization for a few weeks.  Pull up the entire roster of the Norfolk Tides, and send the O’s to Virginia. Instead of picking up  players as needed, keep the Norfolk team as a team. They work together, they play together–give them a chance. Honestly, even if they didn’t win a single game, you couldn’t argue that it would be worse than what the current team could provide. And you would really shake up the O’s (and MLB) organization. You may find out you have some great talent (especially in the bullpen) that you didn’t know about. And if nothing else, you might get some positive facetime on ESPN–instead of the crap that is being said about us now.

So, use my suggestions, diss them, whatever. I really don’t care, but I have TONS more where those came from, and I’d be happy to share.

Last night, as the Brain and I made our nightly foray around the ‘hood, we discovered a crime against nature (and humanity, being us).

Someones garbage was placed out for collection (which is not rare since the pick-up is on Wednesdays), but it’s what was IN the garbage that was horrible. 

Okay, honestly, we don’t know WHAT was in the multiple white bags (placed, I should note, NOT in a can with a tight fitting lid as required by the City of Baltimore). All we know is that it was FOUL.  The stench was horrendous, and enough to evoke a “reversal of fortune”  if endured for more than a few seconds.

I don’t know if someone is conducting illicit biological experiments (after all, we do have quite a few medical students who reside in the neighborhood along with a large amount of homeless people who wander through), or if perhaps, someone didn’t pay their water bill and used garbage bags to collect their personal deposits–either way, we didn’t stick around to find out.

Seriously, Dover street residents. WTF are you thinking?

*on another note about Dover Street–We saw that someone took the initiative to clean up alot of the dirt and debris that had littered the street after the winter.  If it was you, Walt, kudos to you!*

It's named for a stove...really!

Along with the typical bar scene, there are some other food places that are within walking distance of the neighborhood. Any restaurant at the Inner Harbor is within an easy one mile walk or so.

One of the closest is PotBelly Sandwich Works at the corner of Green and Pratt streets. Mmmmmm.  I love me some Potbelly! I can recommend EVERYTHING on the menu here, especially their new salads that roll out today. Go get some. You won’t be sorry! (Lately, my favorite has been the new chickpea salad along with a three-cheese bacon and tomato sandwich. Yummers!)

The Brain and I like to have dinner here at least once a week (if not more).  The convenience in location, the awesomely good food, and the reasonable prices mean that two of us can eat till we’re full for less than $20 bucks. Score!

They also have Coke Zero on fountain. Hello? How awesome is that?

Just don’t tell your friends–I’d like to keep it quiet enough that the Brain and I can go there and get our regular table, and enjoy our dinner like civilized folk.

Well, quiet in only the way a weekend in the city can be. I mean, the sirens never stop, and there’s always tons of foot traffic–but quiet meaning we didn’t really do anything outside the confines of the ‘hood.

Once the Brain and I made our foray out on Saturday morning, we were home for the afternoon, and didn’t even go outside yesterday.  We totally rocked three Billy Bookcases from Ikea, a micro-SD card for my phone from Staples, and breakfast from Chick-fil-a (Brain had spicy chicken biscuits, and I had an ice-dream cone.  Breakfast of champions!).

The weather was gorgeous, the windows were open, and life was good. I love quiet weekends.

The predominate house in Baltimore City proper are known as row houses.  In today’s language, it would be called a ‘condo’, but I digress. Row houses came into style in Baltimore over 100 years ago (the one that the Brain and I live in dates from like 1896 or something crazy like that).

Since the purpose of a row house was to cram as many single family homes into the smallest parcel of land possible, the homes in downtown tend to be very narrow and long, rather than nice and square. Needless to say, there’s not many furniture options for a house that is only 10 feet wide.  We’ve (okay, I’ve) had to change decorating decisions to accommodate our residence.

The antique dresser that I like to use for my clothes won’t fit up the stairs to the bedroom, so it now resides permanently in the living room area. Now I have two shelving units chock full of collapsible bins that we use as dresser and clothing units. The queen bed that we had was given away in favor of memory foam and an Ikea platform bed (assembled IN the room, of course). Now, we need bookcases to help organize our tiny space–and that means yet another trip to Ikea (at the White Marsh mall).  My plan? Hopefully three Billy Bookcases to fill in an awkward section of wall that is currently not being used to it’s full potential.  

Of all the Ikeas that I’ve been to (Potomoc Mills and White Marsh), this one is my favorite. The first time we ever ventured into an Ikea was a few years ago at Potomoc Mills, and it was RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. Worst mistake ever. Trust. We got in, and couldn’t get out.  We followed the arrows around and around and around–before I began to suffer anxiety attacks of wandering for days before intrepid girl scouts stumbled on our withered remains.

Anyways, it was over two years before we decided to try THAT again.  Enter Ikea at White Marsh.  I don’t know what it is, but this store is more approachable. It seems smaller and easier to navigate. I especially love Wacky Wednesdays, where everything in the AS IS  room is 50% off.  I’ve scored TWO pre-assembled items (I think they’re BestA shelves, but not sure).  Either way, they were already together, and even though I found them months apart, they are the same color, and both fit perfectly into two small cubby areas where we couldn’t think to put anything else–now making it a functional space. w00t.

I have grown to love Ikea, like the thousands that have gone before me. Long live Ikea!

For the unitiated, Orioles opening day was this past Friday.  Game time: 3:05pm. And in solidarity with what appears to have been at least 90% of my neighborhood, I took the day off from work.  Of course, I didn’t actually GO to opening day.  My reasons were purely more selfish–I didn’t want to take the chance of coming home from work and being unable to find a parking spot.

My reasoning is this: Pickles Pub supossedly began serving at 6am. Ridgely’s Delight is across the street from Pickles Pub, and subsequently, from Camden Yards. Since most people are cheap-ass  bastards, they want to keep that money in their pocket for crappy beer and bar food, and will therefore risk the chance for a parking ticket and tow during a stadium event than to pay for a legal parking spot.  Where is the closest neighborhood parking for Camden Yards? You guessed it–right here in Ridgely’s Delight!

Since it was a day off, I did go out and take in some of the clusterf*ckiness that is Opening Day 2010. The weather was gorgeous, the sun was out (along with every @sshole within a 100 mile radius), and the Brain and I went to the Inner Harbor for a late lunch at FiveGuys, and then watched some of the Inner Harbor entertainment before heading back to the ‘hood. Look! It’s a crazy lady on a really really tall unicycle!**

Let me just preface this with: People are NUCKING FUTS! Look at some of the pictures that I snapped around the downtown stadium area on our walk (using my new LG Cosmos. Holla!) The sad part is that most people who take off from work for opening day, and who traverse downtown, don’t actually GO to the ball game! Say wha? No really–they don’t. Apparently, this is just one more reason to get drunk, puke in an alley, and have no-name, no-face, no problem sex with other similarly orientated peoples.

I wonder if a study has ever been done to see how many unplanned pregnancies and resulting births occur nine months from opening day? They’re always an influx of babies after major disasters such as a blizzard or hurricanes, or positive celebrations, such as elections (which would quickly turn disasterous if republican).  Maybe theres a correlation between sports events and birth rates, too.  Anyone want to look into that for me?

**(I do have pictures–locked on my phone. I just don’t know how to get them OFF of my phone to post them here for you. )**

mmm...peeps.

Just before Easter, the Brain and I were in a town with a Rita’s (I know there’s one at the Inner Harbor–but that would be too easy).

I had Peeps Ice. It was good. It was bright yellow and cold and awesome. I think that I could get used to this Rita’s thing.

W00t. My day just got better.  Brain, being the most handsome, awesome boyfriend that he is, stayed home this morning to sign for my package. And the nice people at Verizon (phone customer support) did the entire set up for me, downloaded my backup assistant, and got me rolling in less than 10 minutes.

I am now rocking the new LG Cosmos (free with my new every two). Apparently, it’s pretty new and just made it’s debut. I was going to get a Samsung Intrigue, but didn’t really need a music player and all that junk. I just wanted a new cool phone–and this one has a crapload of standby time (500+ hours!)

Anyways, this is a picture–and no, it’s not my hand–it’s a stock photo.

Enjoy!

Now I just need to figure out how to use it!

This is day numero tres without a lifeline. I’m drifting alone, lost in a technological sea with only a stupid landline on my desk to connect me to the world.

What happened to me? I never used to be so dependent on being in constant contact with people. I never even used my texting feature until I met the Brain three years and 6 days ago.

Now, three days in without a phone by my side, and possibly another three before it comes.  *sigh* I’ve turned into one of those people.

WTF happened to me?

I took a picture of a license plate a few weeks ago that I was going to submit to Horrible License Plates.

The plate: “TPSRPRT” or something to that effect.  You know, from “Office Space“. That was a great license plate!