I read an article in the BaltSun the other day about a new business coming to the Inner Harbor this summer: Hi Speed cruises.

According to the article, the boats will be slow when in the IH, but will get up to 42 knots when on open water. How fast is 42 knots, you ask? Well, let me ask Google….Okay, according to the goog, 42 knots is 48.33 miles per hour. Huh… the way that they’re pimping out this ‘high speed’ attraction, I was thinking that 42 knots was equivalent to..I don’t know–something really fast–like 80 mph or a Lamborghini, or a cheetah. Either one.

The premise is that patrons will get a historic blurb tour about the neighborhoods along the waterway (excluding Ridgely’s because we’re landlocked), and then go really fast–because who gives a f*** about the history of Baltimore when there is a NEED for OBNOXIOUS TOURISTS to get a THRILL at 48.33 MPH?!? I can’t WAIT for summer in B’more.  Bring it, B1tches!

The kicker is that this little tour will cost $25 per person ($15/child), per ride. And I bet they don’t even offer a season pass!I think I’ll be rockin’ the water taxi–at least I can get a frequent floater pass! And you still get to see historic neighborhoods–like Fells Point!  (hey Michael Phelps! How’s it going? Want to invite me and the Brain over for a cookout on your huge balcony? We’d love to come! And you don’t mind if I put on your gold medals just ’cause? Oh Michael Phelps, you rock! No, you do!)