So, the big thing this weekend is the Preakness (the second ‘jewel’ in the Triple Crown of horse racing). Yeah, I know right? It’s Maryland–not my first guess for where there would be horse racing.

Anyways, the infield is supossedly a big drunken orgy, and the grandstands are full of the richey-riches in their race day finery. And where will the Brain and I be during this monumental event? At home, of course.  Not being ones to drink ourselves into alcoholic comas–nor ones to wear churchy type clothes on weekends, we are planning a nice quiet weekend at home.

Some other fun things going on tonight are: The Preakness Parade tonight at 8:30 (which means if you live in Ridgely’s Delight, I would suggest getting your ass home and finding a parking spot before 6pm), the Orioles game (with Fireworks–another reason parking will SUCK major donkey balls).

Tomorrow, other than the Preakness out at Pimlico, there’s some stuff going on downtown, too. For example, it’s Tooth Fairy Day at the National Museum of Dentistry.

Have a good (fun) (and safe) weekend! Just don’t call me to come pick you up when you lose your bus pass, and noone will give your suburned, sweary, beer reeking, vomit covered self a ride home.  (just kidding–I don’t have friends who would do stuff like that–so it’s all good!)

Pants on Fire!

Dear Orioles Organization,

As a resident of this lovely city we call Baltimore, I feel that I can be quite frank with you regarding your team.  I know you expect me to be like everyone else in the city and say that they suck, that Trembly should be fired, that this is the worst start of a season since 1989.  I won’t do that to you.

Instead, I want to offer some constructive criticism that may help you get through the rest of what is sure to be (another) disappointing O’s season.

1. Make running mandatory.  The first thing that every kid learns when they play Little League is this–ALWAYS run your ass off to first base. It doesn’t matter if the throw gets there when your only halfway down the baseline–you keep running until you hit the bag. I’ve noticed that so many of the O’s don’t run.  It seems like they barely jog most of the time–and then they give up. For the millions of dollars that these guys are making (I’m looking at you Markakis, Roberts, Jones, et al), they should be running like their asses are on FIRE.

2.  I understand that Trembley is just a man in charge of lots of overpaid men.  He can’t make them hit the ball, run fast, or catch things that they are being paid to do. However, he should be able to pull the non-performers and put in ones that ARE willing to work hard. Do I think that he’s the reason that the team isn’t performing as well as they could? Partially. Do I think he could do a better job? Yes. There is always room for improvement.

3. Hire Cal Ripkin already! Even if you put Cal into a figurehead position, you would boost the morale of the entire city.  He is Baltimore’s golden boy. I guarantee that attendance would go up (especially if he was in the dugout every game), and even more so with Cal centered give aways. Bobble heads are always popular. Enough of this he said/he said crap. Peter Angelos says that he never talked to Cal about joining the O’s organization. Cal says he did. Get your stories straight, and then get down to FIXING this ball club!

4.  Utilize your farm teams.  You have some awesome talent out in the farm system.  And based on the rate of injury that the O’s have experienced so far this season (what? 15 games in, if that?)  you’ve had way too many people out for injuries.  I have a suggestion, and take it for what it is, but it just may work:  Why don’t you switch out the entire O’s organization for a few weeks.  Pull up the entire roster of the Norfolk Tides, and send the O’s to Virginia. Instead of picking up  players as needed, keep the Norfolk team as a team. They work together, they play together–give them a chance. Honestly, even if they didn’t win a single game, you couldn’t argue that it would be worse than what the current team could provide. And you would really shake up the O’s (and MLB) organization. You may find out you have some great talent (especially in the bullpen) that you didn’t know about. And if nothing else, you might get some positive facetime on ESPN–instead of the crap that is being said about us now.

So, use my suggestions, diss them, whatever. I really don’t care, but I have TONS more where those came from, and I’d be happy to share.

For the unitiated, Orioles opening day was this past Friday.  Game time: 3:05pm. And in solidarity with what appears to have been at least 90% of my neighborhood, I took the day off from work.  Of course, I didn’t actually GO to opening day.  My reasons were purely more selfish–I didn’t want to take the chance of coming home from work and being unable to find a parking spot.

My reasoning is this: Pickles Pub supossedly began serving at 6am. Ridgely’s Delight is across the street from Pickles Pub, and subsequently, from Camden Yards. Since most people are cheap-ass  bastards, they want to keep that money in their pocket for crappy beer and bar food, and will therefore risk the chance for a parking ticket and tow during a stadium event than to pay for a legal parking spot.  Where is the closest neighborhood parking for Camden Yards? You guessed it–right here in Ridgely’s Delight!

Since it was a day off, I did go out and take in some of the clusterf*ckiness that is Opening Day 2010. The weather was gorgeous, the sun was out (along with every @sshole within a 100 mile radius), and the Brain and I went to the Inner Harbor for a late lunch at FiveGuys, and then watched some of the Inner Harbor entertainment before heading back to the ‘hood. Look! It’s a crazy lady on a really really tall unicycle!**

Let me just preface this with: People are NUCKING FUTS! Look at some of the pictures that I snapped around the downtown stadium area on our walk (using my new LG Cosmos. Holla!) The sad part is that most people who take off from work for opening day, and who traverse downtown, don’t actually GO to the ball game! Say wha? No really–they don’t. Apparently, this is just one more reason to get drunk, puke in an alley, and have no-name, no-face, no problem sex with other similarly orientated peoples.

I wonder if a study has ever been done to see how many unplanned pregnancies and resulting births occur nine months from opening day? They’re always an influx of babies after major disasters such as a blizzard or hurricanes, or positive celebrations, such as elections (which would quickly turn disasterous if republican).  Maybe theres a correlation between sports events and birth rates, too.  Anyone want to look into that for me?

**(I do have pictures–locked on my phone. I just don’t know how to get them OFF of my phone to post them here for you. )**

There’s nothing quite like that little slice of heaven known as spring break. Not because I’m a college co-ed, heading off to Cabo or Florida or whereever it is that kids head these days.  No, spring break to me means one thing–available parking in the neighborhood.

You may laugh to think that this is what I look forward to, but it’s true. For this brief shining moment in time, I can find parking without circling the neighborhood for 20+ minutes.  I’ve actually had the exact same parking spot twice in a row–ASTOUNDING!

Other than Christmas break (which is almost an entire month of reduced parking headaches) spring break ranks number two on my all-time favorite time of year in the neighborhood. 

I will cherish this brief respite, knowing that in the coming days, students will descend back onto the ‘hood.  And in about a month, the drudgery of Orioles baseball will begin.  This is when the headaches will begin and my bitching will be at an all time high.

BTW–rumor has it (directly from the TV weather man) that we should see 70 degrees on Saturday! Yay! After nearly a full week of rain, I’m so ready to see the sun! (doing a happy sun dance–which oddly enough resembles a very badly executed cabbage-patch–which is honestly, the extent of my dance ability).