Cut it out and make your own!

So, I get my latest and greatest Ridgely’s Record (online since the paper form may or may not show up during the actual month printed), and it’s chock-full of great information.

Who do I think I am? Especially when, it seems, one of my favorite topics of discussion are the trash and rats (usually simultaneously since one breeds the other).

For example, we have a rat problem.  Really?!? I hadn’t noticed. It’s not like I haven’t espoused about the rats on this very website previously AT ALL. You can read about my lack of rat postings Here or Here. Oh, I’ve also never posted anything about the garbage being a problem either, so you wouldn’t find that posted here.

And the discontinuation of the bulk trash pickup? Again, that’s not something I’ve ever written about. I mean, you could click HERE, and it wouldn’t take you to a post about bulk trash pickup.

Now, it seems the latest battle (besides the forming of a committee to fight the rat population) is dog poop. Yes, I do contend that it can be a problem–and yes, an indordinate amount of dog poop is being left on the streets.  But if used correctly, the neighborhood rats will contend with the dog poop. It’s almost a case of the childrens song, The Old Lady That Swallowed A Fly.  You know the one I’m talking about–she swallowed a fly, then she ate the spider to eat the fly, then the bird to eat the spider, and then a cat to eat the bird, etc. Now that I think about it–if we use the resources already at hand, we can become an economically sustainable community! Like Biodome–but uglier and smellier!

However, I so appreciate waking up in the morning, opening my door to get the morning paper, and finding a lovely plastic bag wrapped bundle of poopy joy on my steps. I see that someone has taken the suggestions by the Record to heart by choosing to not use someone elses trash can to place your poop in. However, if it comes down to a choice between someones open garbage can on the street, or the front steps of someones house (who doesn’t even HAVE A dog), please go with the garbage can. I think I smell a new subcommitte being formed as we speak—the ‘poop patrol’ will surely be instituted at the next drunken bar fest..I mean, meeting of the Ridgely’s Delight Neighborhood Association.

So, the temps have been hovering in the low to mid and even upper 90′s this past week.  The humidity is actually even more crazy. I’ve taken to the couch today to hide from the heat, and catch up on some guilty-pleasure TV dvr’ing that the Brain did for me last week while I was ensconced in studying mode.

I love air conditioning. It makes life much more bearable.

Last night as I was walking down Penn Street looking for a parking spot, a ginormous rat ran from an alley across my path and scared the bejesus out of me. At least, I think it was a rat.  I know it was fast and huge–but it was very dark in that part of the sidewalk, so it might not have been–but I’m pretty sure it was.

And I also wanted to note to the general reading public of Ridgely’s Delight that, just in case you didn’t know it, there is NO MORE BULK PICKUP! So you know those large appliances, carpeting, mattresses, tables, etc that you put out on the street and wait for the big city truck to come around and get? Well, it doesn’t happen any more.  There’s been a mattress in Dover for almost three weeks now–and the regular garbage won’t pick it up.So before you go and throw your sh!t out on the street, remember, it will sit there and sit there and sit there and Never.Go.Away.

The first day of summer, and mother nature has decided to celebrate in appropriate fashion. It’s slated to be hot today. Hot tomorrow…heck, the rest of the week is turning out to be a cluster f on the weather scale. Yay.

It’s also time for the annual residential parking pass renewal.  If you live in Ridgely’s (I mean, really, you have to LIVE here) don’t forget to get your parking pass. It’s due by June 30.  And by living here, you should have an actual drivers license that says you do. Or at least a binding lease agreement if you rent.

Oh, and I really hope that the BPA cracks down on the whole “1 visitors pass per residence” rule.  Visitors passes are where the majority of the Residential parking abuse comes in.   Personally, I think visitors passes should be abolished and pay-to-park meeters implemented for the entire neighborhood.  That would reduce the abuse of visitor passes, but would keep decal vehicles legal.  And if you have a guest that will be staying with you, you can get temporary parking permits from the BPA office.

Oh, and if you sell your visitor parking passes to medical students or professionals who are too cheap to park in the provided garages–you should be shot.  Okay, barring death and physical violence, you should be strung up by your toes and slapped with a wet towel until serious chaffing ensues. Seriously. 

Parking is horrible enough with just the people who actually belong here, much less adding in the people who use us for their own nefarious gains.  It’s not fair to those of us who abide by the parking laws, and it’s ILLEGAL. Just keep that in mind.

From www.xkcd.com. I love this webiste.

Starting a new home on the internet is always a struggle. ( I hate the word ‘blog’. It makes me think of ‘bog’, and bog leads to smog, and why do I care about California, anyways?)

How do you get readers when you want to remain anonymous? This is a biggie for me. I want to keep my identity a secret. I want to be able to write what I want under the cover of anonymity. I want to be able to walk down my neighborhood streets and talk to people I see and not have them judge me because I don’t necessarily agree with their opinions, or I laugh at them behind closed doors or openly on the internets.  I don’t want to find a horse head in my bed.

It’s not like I can go out and be like:

Me: “Hi, Random Stranger. My name is Pinky. I write a blog about Ridgely’s Delight, called, www.ridgelysafternoondelight.  See what  I did there? It’s a total play on “Afternoon Delight” by the Starland Vocal Band.  I know, funny, right?  You should totally read it and let me know what you think!”.

Psycho-killer: “I want to eat your eyeballs”.

I mean! What if they want to steal my liver and sell it on the blackmarket? My liver is in tip-top shape. I don’t have any weird diseases and I don’t drink to extinction. I bet I could get all kinds of money for my assorted body parts! But thats MY body part money, darn it. Keep your fingers off, crazy man! I need that for my retirement!

Anyways, I digress. To the few peole who may have stumbled on my little slice of the internet in the recent past, and who have come back to read me again, I thank you for your continued patronage. With your help, my kick-ass writing, and the powers of the Brain, I’ve slowly been climbing up the Google ranks.  When I first started out, I was down so far, it took days for me to find myself. Now, as of yesterday, I’m on page six of a search for “Ridgely’s Delight”. I couldn’t have done it without you, internet minions. With your help, I WILL take over the wor…I mean, be a page one return one day.

Peace!

So, during the stay-cation last week, the Brain took one of our guests on the Camden Yards ball park tour.  During the tour, the guide talked about Ridgely’s Delight (yay!).  However, it was interesting to note that the TRUE area known as Ridgely’s Delight is, in fact, the area of the neighborhood NORTH of Washington Boulevard. 

According to the guide, the part of the neighborhood to the south is actually part of Pigtown (which is where the pigs would run from the train yard to the slaughter houses?), but the residents petitioned the City of Baltimore in the 1970′s to be annexed into Ridgely’s Delight.   Posers.

Pants on Fire!

Dear Orioles Organization,

As a resident of this lovely city we call Baltimore, I feel that I can be quite frank with you regarding your team.  I know you expect me to be like everyone else in the city and say that they suck, that Trembly should be fired, that this is the worst start of a season since 1989.  I won’t do that to you.

Instead, I want to offer some constructive criticism that may help you get through the rest of what is sure to be (another) disappointing O’s season.

1. Make running mandatory.  The first thing that every kid learns when they play Little League is this–ALWAYS run your ass off to first base. It doesn’t matter if the throw gets there when your only halfway down the baseline–you keep running until you hit the bag. I’ve noticed that so many of the O’s don’t run.  It seems like they barely jog most of the time–and then they give up. For the millions of dollars that these guys are making (I’m looking at you Markakis, Roberts, Jones, et al), they should be running like their asses are on FIRE.

2.  I understand that Trembley is just a man in charge of lots of overpaid men.  He can’t make them hit the ball, run fast, or catch things that they are being paid to do. However, he should be able to pull the non-performers and put in ones that ARE willing to work hard. Do I think that he’s the reason that the team isn’t performing as well as they could? Partially. Do I think he could do a better job? Yes. There is always room for improvement.

3. Hire Cal Ripkin already! Even if you put Cal into a figurehead position, you would boost the morale of the entire city.  He is Baltimore’s golden boy. I guarantee that attendance would go up (especially if he was in the dugout every game), and even more so with Cal centered give aways. Bobble heads are always popular. Enough of this he said/he said crap. Peter Angelos says that he never talked to Cal about joining the O’s organization. Cal says he did. Get your stories straight, and then get down to FIXING this ball club!

4.  Utilize your farm teams.  You have some awesome talent out in the farm system.  And based on the rate of injury that the O’s have experienced so far this season (what? 15 games in, if that?)  you’ve had way too many people out for injuries.  I have a suggestion, and take it for what it is, but it just may work:  Why don’t you switch out the entire O’s organization for a few weeks.  Pull up the entire roster of the Norfolk Tides, and send the O’s to Virginia. Instead of picking up  players as needed, keep the Norfolk team as a team. They work together, they play together–give them a chance. Honestly, even if they didn’t win a single game, you couldn’t argue that it would be worse than what the current team could provide. And you would really shake up the O’s (and MLB) organization. You may find out you have some great talent (especially in the bullpen) that you didn’t know about. And if nothing else, you might get some positive facetime on ESPN–instead of the crap that is being said about us now.

So, use my suggestions, diss them, whatever. I really don’t care, but I have TONS more where those came from, and I’d be happy to share.

For the unitiated, Orioles opening day was this past Friday.  Game time: 3:05pm. And in solidarity with what appears to have been at least 90% of my neighborhood, I took the day off from work.  Of course, I didn’t actually GO to opening day.  My reasons were purely more selfish–I didn’t want to take the chance of coming home from work and being unable to find a parking spot.

My reasoning is this: Pickles Pub supossedly began serving at 6am. Ridgely’s Delight is across the street from Pickles Pub, and subsequently, from Camden Yards. Since most people are cheap-ass  bastards, they want to keep that money in their pocket for crappy beer and bar food, and will therefore risk the chance for a parking ticket and tow during a stadium event than to pay for a legal parking spot.  Where is the closest neighborhood parking for Camden Yards? You guessed it–right here in Ridgely’s Delight!

Since it was a day off, I did go out and take in some of the clusterf*ckiness that is Opening Day 2010. The weather was gorgeous, the sun was out (along with every @sshole within a 100 mile radius), and the Brain and I went to the Inner Harbor for a late lunch at FiveGuys, and then watched some of the Inner Harbor entertainment before heading back to the ‘hood. Look! It’s a crazy lady on a really really tall unicycle!**

Let me just preface this with: People are NUCKING FUTS! Look at some of the pictures that I snapped around the downtown stadium area on our walk (using my new LG Cosmos. Holla!) The sad part is that most people who take off from work for opening day, and who traverse downtown, don’t actually GO to the ball game! Say wha? No really–they don’t. Apparently, this is just one more reason to get drunk, puke in an alley, and have no-name, no-face, no problem sex with other similarly orientated peoples.

I wonder if a study has ever been done to see how many unplanned pregnancies and resulting births occur nine months from opening day? They’re always an influx of babies after major disasters such as a blizzard or hurricanes, or positive celebrations, such as elections (which would quickly turn disasterous if republican).  Maybe theres a correlation between sports events and birth rates, too.  Anyone want to look into that for me?

**(I do have pictures–locked on my phone. I just don’t know how to get them OFF of my phone to post them here for you. )**